Guilt, Regret & Freedom

(Originally published summer of 2011.)

Do you live constantly having to battle guilt for things you say, do, think or don’t say, don’t do or don’t think?

I did for many, many years. I desired so much to want to follow and obey Christ with my whole heart. I wanted to want to spend my time with Him. I wanted to not want to fulfill the temptations I had toward selfishness, anger, pornography, and lust (among many others). Yet, these issues still reared their ugly heads. So I lived frequently in a sense of great guilt.

Before going on, I wish to lay down one critical foundation that will eventually climax this essay. Yes, terrible literary style, right? Oh well, I wish to first smite any of the enemy’s lies that he may try to raise up in your mind as you read about guilt.

So that foundation truth is that you are free and free indeed! In Christ, you are free! Remember His words: “So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.” If you have committed your life to Him, He has set you free. You now carry the identity of Christ!

Yes, we all know that. Though reminders are needed every once in a while, I think many of us continually struggle with a great feeling of guilt or inadequacy that looms ominously over us. This is why I stated the climax at the beginning; often when I lived under great guilt, reading things on guilt or human sin, et cetera, only made me feel worse, even if they were argued against. For those who already feel a great deal of guilt, any mention of the topic can make it worse or come to the forefront of the mind (for many, as I did, live with it lingering in the subconscious). This is the lie of the enemy, and I hope that you will declare boldly your freedom in Christ as this topic is addressed! I speak the truth, that by it you may be set free (John 8:31).

“For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image. Therefore, since God in His mercy has given us this new way, we never give up.”

            2 Corinthians 3:16-4:1

Identifying Guilt

I think what can cause so much discouragement for some people is that they feel a genuine need for some sort of remorse or sorrow at their failures. It’s a natural sensation that to be released from any such feelings would be pride. If we do feel any lack of remorse or self-condemnation, we start to feel guilty of pride (even if it is not termed this in our subconscious). And thus the cycle continues.

So how do we identify guilt? I think most of us would be able to say whether or not we feel guilty. It most certainly is a feeling (in this context—I will address the concept of being guilty momentarily). Most often it is a sensation that drives us to separation in relationships.

Let me try to explain this practically. Suppose you and your mom have a considerable argument during which you feel yourself become extremely resentful, angry and selfish. You are so irritated and frustrated that your clear knowledge of your selfishness is disregarded…for the time. When it all ends and you begin to reflect, the guilt of your words and/or actions grows. You perhaps feel immature and stupid. Perhaps you are worried about your mom’s feelings. Perhaps about your own reputation (“great, now she just sees how immature I am”). Perhaps you are dreadfully horrified by how much you just took her for granted (“did I really just think those things?! Can I really be that resentful of her?”). Perhaps all three.  Guilt sets in, and it sets in deeply. Some may be the result of the selfish motives (your reputation, for instance) and some of the selfless (her feelings, for instance).

Your relationship with her has just become greatly impaired. She is still your mom and you are still her child—son or daughter. She still loves you (in theory) and you still love her (once again, in theory). But things will not be right with her until that argument is solved. But this is what guilt does: it keeps you from wanting to even address the issue. You want to move past it, but you feel guilty and it drives you from restoration. This is a feeling, not so much clear-cut thinking. It’s a feeling that invades thoughts, making it obscure and very often undefined and unclear—nebulous (enough adjectives there?).

In the same way, our own natural sense of failing creates a sense of guilt that keeps us from coming to God. Sure, we have decided to dedicate our lives to Him and have invited His Holy Spirit into our lives—we have come into His blood covenant that can never be revoked! But either specific instances when the residue of the flesh nature arise in our lives (aka we sin) or our overall sense of being guilty make drive us away from Abba. Again, it’s a very nebulous feeling. And it’s awful.

What’s worse is that, as I implied above, we feel that we are obliged to have such feelings. If we do not have them, then we feel guilty of the concept of pride. And there we see that phrase again: “feel guilty.”

So how do we break out of this cycle? My purpose here is to clarify between guilt and regret, and to explain how we need to identify those in our own lives and find freedom in His freedom!

Forgiveness 

Continuing on with our scenario…

You clearly don’t want to continue to live with a hurting relationship with your mom, and the issue is not easily brushed under the rug. So you contact her again and tell her how sorry you are…and youare sorry—you feel awful and guilty! And the fact of the matter is, you should. You did make a mistake. You were immature.

Then she forgives you and tells you how much she loves you. She may tag on some wisdom and exhortation regarding your attitude.  (I’m not assuming mothers are always right, not by a long shot! I am using this scenario as an analogy.) What she has done in that instance, if she has truly forgiven you, is given you permission to be free of guilt.

Let me give you a personal (and true) example. Recently I failed to latch a window well at my hosts’ home. A heavy wind blew in the window, which in turn shattered some glass decorative pots which had been a gift from his mother. I felt horrible.  I wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear when I heard the wife telling it to her husband on the phone (I was with him). As soon as he hung up I began apologizing profusely—as well I should have! I made a mistake; there was no question in that. After my apology, which certainly did not free me from the guilt, he told me repeatedly and in a tone that spoke great forgiveness, “It’s okay. These things happen and I don’t feel greatly attached to those pots. It’s okay.”

What he did then and there was say, “You are forgiven. You do not need to feel guilty about it anymore because I do not hold it against you.” He was not freeing me from the responsibility of it—not saying that it wasn’t my fault; it most certainly was! He was just saying that he didn’t hold it against me.

Still feeling guilty, I also apologized profusely to his wife, who had the same response as he did. There was no sense that they were upset and just trying to the “right” thing by forgiving me. There was no sense that they were saying it wasn’t my fault. They simply forgave me and gave me permission to be free from the guilt. After continuous apologies, I finally clued in! What am I doing? I thought to myself.They’ve allowed me to be free from the guilt. I don’t have to keep beating myself up about this!

That is what forgiveness does. It gives us permission to be free from guilt. We need to choose to accept that freedom. We need to free ourselves from the guilt.

Yet, we still struggle with this question: “but if I don’t feel bad, isn’t that pride? After all, I am still guilty (it was my fault) and I can’t pretend it wasn’t—that’d be wrong and immature and wouldn’t be taking responsibility for my actions.”

Regret is not Guilt

Regret is not guilt. Think about that. I will always regret (be sorry about) not latching that window tightly. You will always regret the way you treated your mother and the immaturity of your actions. But regret is not obscure and overshadowing like guilt is.

Let me put it this way. Guilt drives us away from repentance. Regret brings us to repentance. To help understand this, look objectively at a specific instance in your life where you made a mistake (and later recognized it). Though regret is in our thoughts and repentance in our actions, repentance is a natural result of it when it is genuine—when we are truly sorry.

Regret allows us to move on…without the issue pressing on our emotions and minds. Every time I see those broken pots still up on the windowsill, I regret not latching the window. Yet, it does not linger on my mind; it does not make me feel guilty any more. I have accepted my hosts’ offer of freedom from that guilty feeling because of their forgiveness.

Freedom in Christ

I would be greatly remiss if I concluded there, because regret is not our focus either. Regret is genuine and a great blessing. There is nothing bad about it; in fact, it is just that which comes because of our conscience and because of the Holy Spirit. But regret can easily be morphed back into guilt if it remains our focus and our conclusion.

Read this carefully and judge for yourself whether or not I am right. Regret is not the foundation or cornerstone of our freedom from guilt. Regret is not our shield, our shoes, or our sustainer. Regret issimply the attitude that admits we were wrong and allows us to accept the freedom that does become our foundation.

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

            John 8:31.

“So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.” 

            John 8:34.

“So Christ has truly set us free.”

            Galatians 5:1

Christ is our foundation, for He is the one who died for us and has set us free. It is because of His blood that we have entered into an unbreakable covenant with God the Father. Oh how I wish I could go on about what He’s done for us and how we are united in Him and gain His identity! Yet, I must constrain myself to the topic at hand (though they are inseparable!) and leave that for another time (I have addressed it in almost every note I’ve written). The point is that we are established in Him with Him as our identity and our foundation.

John 17:22-23; Acts 17:28; Romans 3-8; Galatians 2:20 (this is my favorite identity-declaration); Colossians 2:10; 1 Peter 2:4-6...among many others.

“As a result [Christ’s death and resurrection], He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault.”

            Colossians 1:22

You know what’s fascinating about that last verse? Even though I am still responsible for the breaking of those pots, I am no longer responsible for my sin nature. In other words, I am no longer accountable for it. Its price has been paid. And even though every time I sin there are ugly repercussions that must be dealt with in a practical sense and for a healthy relationship with a Holy Spirit who is grieved by sin (Ephesians 4:30), all my sins have been paid for. I will not face my due judgment for my failure to meet God’s perfect standard. My guilt has been washed clean!

This is that the Lord tells us about guilt through His New Covenant writers:

“And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.”

            Hebrews 10:21-22

“Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything. Dear friends, if we don’t feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence.”

            1 John 3:20-21

The first passage there tells us that our guilty consciences have been cleared by Christ’s blood. Let me reiterate: He has granted us permission to be free from guilt! This is the process. He dies on the cross and makes a way for mankind to come into an unending covenant with God in which we are friends with Him and have legally right standing with Him as His sons and heirs. When we accept this gift, we do so on the basis that we do not merit it in the slightest. He forgives us and what I just mentioned becomes true for us individually; we come into the Body of Christ and we are one with Him. He gives us His identity. When He forgives all our sins, we have permission to be free from guilt. We are free from guilt (the status)—anything we have done which has failed to meet God’s perfect standard. Yet, we are given permission to be free from guilt (the feeling).

This is why John wrote what He did. You see, He says that regardless of whether or not we feel guilty, it is truly our actions which indicate whether or not we have entered into that covenant with God. And we know that what God asks from us is to believe (John 6:29; 47), and then His Holy Spirit enters our lives to produce good fruit (actions and attitudes). So when we have done this, John tells us that regardless of our feelings of guilt, God knows everything; He is greater than our feelings! Even though we may feel inexplicably guilty, He knows that we are not!

So if we grasp this and accept His offer of freedom from guilty feelings (you see now the uselessness of such feelings?), we can come before God with confidence! This goes without saying. Even though your status with your mom has not changed, you cannot come before her with bold confidence until she has forgiven you and permitted you to be free from guilt and you have accepted that offer. If you do not accept it and remain feeling guilty, the immediate relationship (not the status as her son or daughter) will remain inhibited.

With that in mind, let’s truly recognize our freedom in Christ! We can be bold because of this freedom, but we must seek and strive to remain unhindered by unnecessary guilt!

“Since this new way gives us such confidence, we can be very bold.”

            2 Corinthians 3:12

“Because of Christ and our faith in Him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.”

            Ephesians 3:12

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear [very often resultant of guilt feelings] and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.”

            2 Timothy 1:7

We are free indeed!

Total Surrender in Every Area

There is something that is one of the hardest things to do as a Christian: surrendering our entire will to Jesus Christ.

I'm going to be brutally challenging with this note (then again, that's not terribly surprising). First, I want to walk you through a story we all know well. Then I'll hit head on what I want to say.

"The Lord said to Abram, 'Leave your native country, your relatives, and you father's family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.'"

      Genesis 12:1-3

There's the beginning of the promise. You can probably make an accurate connection between Abram leaving his homeland and the title of this note, so I'll leave it to you to connect that as we go on.

"Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That's how many descendants you will have!' And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith."

     Genesis 15:5-6

God promised Abram many, many, many descendants! And yet, we all know how the story goes. He slept with his wife's maidservant, who's child became the descendant of the Arabs. That was his solution to accomplish God's promise. But that's besides the point a bit. He later had a son, Isaac, with his wife Sarai (Sarah). 

Isaac was the true fulfillment of God's promise and Abram's desires. He was the first of the many children (descendants) Abram would have. He was Abram's pride and joy, his longings, his desire, and, as I'll show analogously, his will!

"Take your son," the Lord told Abram, "Your only son--yes, Isaac, whom you love so much--and go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you."

     Genesis 22:2

 We are called to surrender everything  to Christ. Most of us have grown up knowing this, haven't we? We all know that Christ calls us to obedience and to follow Him! But what is truly the raw reality of that truth?

The raw reality is that we come to a place where our will is entirely surrendered to Him! Okay, we're still content and happy enough with that. But we need to truly look at our desires and will! Are we truly willing to give up everything that we want for what He has, regardless of what He has? We are called to be willing to give anything for Him. This has hit hard for me many times in my life. I have always desired to be a missionary oversees, and the last place I wanted to end up is the United States. A number of years ago, the Lord made it really clear to me that He wanted me to surrender that to Him and to be willing to live in the U.S. if that were what He called me to. For years I struggled to come to peace with that! You know why? Because I have feared that in doing so I was accepting that the Lord would have me in the U.S.! The Lord has spoken very clearly to me about this, though! He's told me in my spirit, I don't want you to be concerned with the specifics of what I've called you to. I want you simply to be content in the knowledge that My will is good and that willing to do it whatever it is because you love Me and because I love you. 

You see, we don't want to surrender our will because we fear that we have to give up what we surrender! But God doesn't ask us to surrender only what we think He doesn't have for us. He asks us to surrender everything! He promised Abram a child, gave him a child, and then asked him to sacrifice that child! We need to be willing to even surrender and sacrifice our "Isaac's"--those promises we feel the Lord has given us. This is because He wants us to be so wholly surrendered to Him that we will do whatever He wants!

Take something that is so close to you. How about your best friends? How about your major? How about your desired career? What is extremely dear to you? Can you honestly say that you would be willing to give that entirely up if the Lord asked you to? 

Yet, that's what He wants! That's why He says that we must be willing to turn our back on even our family! It's not a matter that we need to reject our family, but that we must be willing to reject them. It's a total dependence on His will alone. 

Another very personal example: I've always wanted to get married and have a family. I always believed that was the Lord's will for me. Then over a number of years I really began to fear that maybe the Lord did not have that for me and that He might want me to be single. Once this fear set in, I truly became scared that if I even brought that issue before the Lord, He would affirm my fear, so I refused to give it to Him! And yet, He spoke to me for years, saying, I want you to be content and willing to be single for the rest of your life. And that was that. But my fear that He would call me to be single kept me from surrendering that to Him.

For the first time in my life at the beginning of this previous summer, 2010, I became absolutely and totally content that I was going to be single for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life that's how I felt. I finally surrendered the fear and sacrificed that desire for total openness to His plan for me. A couple months later He led me into a dating relationship with one of my best friends!

When Abram was obedient to sacrifice his son--God's very promise and Abram's great desire--God provided that desire.

We're so often told about that story being a test of Abram's faith. It was, but we're taught it so shallowly, aren't we? We have to be able to trust God with everything is usually the moral we're taught, right? But it's so much deeper and greater! We like to teach and accept only what is comforting and doesn't move us beyond the comfort zone of perfectly acceptable and noble, and often even God-honoring (after all, wanting to be an oversees missionary is God-honoring!) desires. But we are called to surrender EVERYTHING! We are called to be WILLING to give up EVERYTHING!

It is at those times of total surrender of will, even to the point where we'd be able to literally sell everything we have (how many of us wouldn't even dare to ask God if that's what He wanted us to do?!) if God wanted us to, that we find total and absolute rest and joy in His will! It is at that point that we don't care what it is, as long as we are in unison with Him, because we know that we would want absolutely nothing else in our lives but what He has for us!

I believe we can only truly experience the peace and freedom of what He's called us to with the extravagance of joy that Paul expressed in his epistles when we are willing to give them up forwhatever the Lord would have for us. When we do, whether He decides to give us what we've surrendered to Him or take it away altogether, we'll truly embrace it knowing the fullness of how much we don't deserve it! (The more we understand how little we deserve something, the more we want to honor the One who gives it to us anyway.)

"'Don't lay a hand on the boy!' the angel* said. 'Do not hurt him in any way, for now I know that you truly fear God. You have not withheld from Me even your son, your only son.'"

     Genesis 22:12

I don't know about you, but I want to go through the pain of surrendering even my deepest desires because I want the joy and reward of following Christ with all my heart, soul, strength and mind!

*Verse 10 indicates that this is the Angel of the Lord--Jesus--speaking.

Testimony of Freedom

(Again, this was published in 2010 originally.)

Remember in my last note I mentioned how the Lord was telling me, "Just be. In Me, just be!"...? Remember I also said that I can declare Galatians 2:20 with bold confidence because my identity is wholly and fully in Christ Jesus? That's what freedom is.

The purpose of this note is to really just let anyone who dares to read what I write what the Lord has been teaching me this summer and how He has spoken to me, and hopefully through that to be an encouragement and exhorter to others.

The other day I read 2 Peter 1:3:

"By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know Him, the One who called us to Himself by means of His marvelous glory and excellence."

I quote that for you here because I want to stress that we have everything we need for living a godly life! But it's taken me a really, really long time to understand what these two things really are: (1) everthing; (2) godly life.

While I know there is a fuller and deeper understanding than I'm going to mention here, these two things are very simple. Everything is the Holy Spirit and His power. Godly life is living in communion (two-way relationship) with the Holy Spirit. Everything else follows this. Living in true love and unity and that really cool list enumerated just verses later (2 Peter 1:5-7) comes from living in communion with the Holy Spirit and in His power. 

Right. We know that. But do we grasp it?

The Lord has truly begun to give me a truer and truer grasp of what it means to live in the freedom of Jesus Christ! I know I discussed this some in "Identity Issues," and I'm going to narrow it a bit more here in a moment, but I want to lay down that bit as a foundation of my joy in Christ Jesus. You see, as I learn to live in the power of God (and we're talking about power here; this is authority. This is resolution. This is not quietly sitting back and thinking it's awesome how God is using other Christians.), I see more and more of that power manifest in my life and the promises of God fulfilled in my life. 

Okay, so I don't plan on leaving those obscure strands blowing in the wind this time. 

Impressions

Let me begin [this is where you go, "oh no, after all that, he's just beginning?] by jumping back to my senior year of high school. During that year, my aunt told me that I would soon begin receiving clear "impressions" from the Lord. It's time for me to explain what an impression is. And impression, as I use it in this case, is anything that the Lord is specifically saying or showing to you. It's not a broad lesson He's teaching you, nor is it a verse He uses to speak to you. It's Him directly speaking to you in your heart, and it's rather specific. That's how conversation with the Lord happens. (If this is confusing, please ask me about it or debate me on it.) There's nothing complicated about it; it's very simple.

This promise really began to be fulfilled during my semester in Ireland, even though I was already learning how to hear the Lord's voice before that. So I really began to write down things I believed He was saying to me. 

Training for Ministry

Anyway, moving along. I wanted to explain that because I'm going to be talking about things the Lord has told me through impressions. Earlier this summer, I had two full days alone in the mountains. During that time, I enjoyed lots of reading and collecting firewood, but because Christ is my best friend (this is not just a middle school concept!), I enjoyed just "hanging out" with Him (you laugh!). As I was reading through Culture of Honor: Sustaining a Supernatural Environment by Danny Silk, I was learning a lot about the importance of having a Church based first on the apostles and prophets, then teachers and so forth (see 1 Corinthians 12:28). I've long known the Lord has called me to be a teacher, but one of the things the Lord told me is that He has also called me to the apostolic ministry. You see, the apostolic ministry is one focused on heaven and seeing what the Lord is doing manifest on earth (as Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing). The prophetic ministry is focused on making the Lord's purposes known to the Church, that it may be one with Him (1 John 17:21). Teachers are more focused on doctrinal issues and study of the Word. I'll stop there, but the book is very interesting and makes the roles of each ministry very clear and understandable, and I strongly recommend it! 

During this time in the mountains, the Lord gave me an impression that I was about enter a time of training for the ministry (used loosely here) He has called me into. He told me that I am transitioning from the preparation for the training into the training itself (crazy, huh?!). Exciting!

Never Unemployed

The last couple of weeks at the church the Lord led me to have been extremely awesome for me, particularly because the Lord has given several other people impressions/prophetic words for me. One friend of mine received the phrase "Joy Revolution;" He declared that God was calling me a "Joy Revolutionary." The worship leader also came to me and told me that she had an impression of me flying in a fighter jet, and that I was determined to get where I was going, which is what the Lord has for me, even though I am not fully aware of what He has for me specifically. She told me that the Lord is pleased that I am resolute in the knowledge of the Lord's goodness and in His plans, and that He is pleased that I am striving for them. 

Then she said this, "He has greater things for you than you can imagine."

Can I clarify something really quick? This is all by His divine power...by His marvelous glory and excellence, not of myself, so there is no room for pride here. None of this is said in pride, because I have merited nothing except by His grace! That's what freedom is! In His freedom we can boldly proclaim and claim those wonderful things He has given and promised to us--including His nature and character--without pride! 

So this week, I was given two more prophetic words that have great implications and were spot on concerning things that have been on my heart and mind. Though I won't fully expand on that specifically, I will sum up these words.

A man I had only met for the first time that morning came over to me during worship and prophesied this over me: "Even though you think you are unemployed [it's always reassuring when the person who prophecies mentions something that they do not personally know about], you are not! You are a minister of Jesus Christ and His goodness. You don't have to be worried about the bills. He will pay them. Somehow, He will provide the money." 

Then another friend told me that he sensed strong that I had strong vigor. He explained (and this is the heart of everything the Lord's been doing in me, as implied by what the Lord told me earlier) that I am entering into a new thing the Lord is doing in my life. My vigor will continue and it will grow, he said. Whatever God is going to do in my life is beginning; many things are being birthed. He also explained that something is part of this that is going to affect my whole life and ministry. 

I haven't shared everything that was told to me, as some things are not meant to be shared with just anyone.

In Christ, I am being released into the freedom of the ministry of Jesus Christ! Things are happening that are going to change things and move me into the Lord's plans for the next step of my life! 

(Side note: As I go back to college in couple weeks, please be praying for me. It's gonna be kinda hard to refocus on classes and homework. Enjoying time with family has been really good; it's gonna be challenging to readjust. Though I am thoroughly excited to return to living with peers again! A lot is coming down the pike, and all your prayers are not only nice, but they're as necessary as my prayers are for you all.)

In Christ, I have everything I need for a life of godliness--for a life of living in the fullness of His purposes. In Christ, we have everything we need for a life of godliness. Never forget that! 

A slight concern I have is that some people will read this and think that I am spiritually "ahead," and for some it may even be discouraging. Um...there's no reason for that at all. That's why I stressed that in Christ we have everything needed for a life of godliness. Just as He has supplied me and is teaching me how to live with everything I need to life in the fullness of His plans for me, He has also supplied you with everything you need to live in the fullness of His plans for you. Okay, I'm getting redundant. 

Seek His will, and know that you are identified fully and completely by Christ! You carry (no, you are) the testimony of His freedom! Don't abuse it, but claim it to the fullest! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Claim His identity, for He is good!

Identity Issues

I originally published this on Facebook back in 2010, but in the process of updating my Blog, have added here:


Okay, so how many people out there struggle with identity issues?

Generally, I have not struggled with identity issues in the normal sense of the word. The normal sense of the word is in that way in which we are not sure about who we are and therefore are emotional pendulums or something of the like.

But I've been learning and thinking a lot about identity lately. This has been greatly caused because I read a book called Culture of Honor: Sustaining a Supernatural Environment by Danny Silk a couple of weeks ago in about 3 days (truly a record for me!). While this book goes into a lot of detail concerning the importance of having a Church centered pyramidally with the apostolic and prophetic gifts at the top (1 Corinthians 12:28), it also centers around an major idea called identity.

You see, what I've learned is that I truly do struggle with identity issues! But this in a way very unlike how I was describing before. I think most Christians struggle with identity issues.

When you sin, how do you consider yourself? Usually, I feel like scum. I feel as though I deserve to be punished. And you better believe I do! If we're confronted on sin, or even if we get up the courage to reveal to others our deep sins and disgusting secrets, we accompany it with words like, "I know I'm so full of crap," or, "I'm just a miserable failure." And how often we combine something like that with, "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness," and "I know I'll have to be punished for this."

Well, there ARE natural consequences. But don't we realize that God has already taken every single punishment we deserve! As Danny Silk declares, we are unpunishable.

There's a bit of danger in saying that around most Christians. It seems to make way for a lifestyle in which we feel sin is excusable. But if we truly grasp that we are unpunishable by what Christ has done, then it will do far greater work in our lives toward making us pure than thinking we are worthless bags of trash that need to be disciplined into obedience. 

That's where we come back to identity. Our identity is to be wholly and fully in Christ Jesus! How come we don't see ourselves that way? We're constantly accusing ourselves of our flesh nature that just keeps rearing it's ugly head. Well, yeah, we know it does! But that's NOT our identity any longer! We are valuable! Christ told me recently, "don't be concerned with your reputation, just be. In Me, just be!"

JUST BE. In Christ, JUST BE. Live in His identity. 

Know what His identity is? His identity is FREEDOM. His identity is POWER. His identity is a SOUND MIND. His identity is FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE. When we begin to see ourselves through this lens, we find freedom to live in the power that Christ has created us to live in. 

You ask, what is this power? Well, on one level it's about power to overcome sin. But we have to be very careful here, because we're tarrying dangerously close to focusing on getting rid of sin, when our entire focus as Christians needs to be on living in the fullness of a relationship with Christ. Otherwise we get muddled in fears, doubts, confusion and disillusionment. 

But power is far more than that! I am very much unlike many of the Christians I know. I believe in the fullness of the manifestation of the gifts of the Spirit. I have been supernaturally healed on many occasions. I have begun to feel sick on many occasions, commanded it to be gone in the name of Jesus (in His name by faith is absolutely key), and have it go away very quickly. I believe accounts of visions and dreams and trances, and believe in the importance of understanding and desiring these things.

A common rebuttal I get in expressing this opinion is often, "but, you're getting too focused on the gifts." No I'm not, and let me explain. A wonderful friend of mine confronted my belief of having the Spiritual gifts (which is a charisma--a "grace" received [versus kairos --a "grace" given]) be used during worship time at church. I love this person very much, but I told them that the Holy Spirit moves as He wishes, and we need to follow His leading, not Him ours. You see, the Holy Spirit is very active all the time, and the believer who is truly seeking to know what He is doing will follow Him, just as Christ only said and did what He saw His Father doing. 

That's what it's all about: relationship. Relationship is not, contrary to popular belief, having a t-shirt that says "I don't do religion, I do relationship." It's about knowing what Christ is doing and copying that on earth. Okay, that's a bit obscure. Think again back to Christ only saying and doing what God the Father said and did (John 5:19, among many other places in John). Jesus only copied what God the Father wanted Him to do and say. If we are living in relationship with Christ, we will only do what He is wanting us to do and say, and not what He does not want us to do and say. And this includeswhen He wants us to. Even if it's during worship time. By golly, He's God, and when we live in relationship with Him, then He can move through us! That's why it's not about focusing on the gifts.

This relationship is certainly not accomplished with just 10 minutes of Bible reading every day! Or even 20, or even 30. This is done through first realizing that our identity is not in our sinfulness but in Christ's holiness, and then following what that very important and forgotten verse tells us: "Never stop praying," or "Pray continually." (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

That's all I'm trying to say. We need to see ourselves and each other (oh how often we fail at both!) as having the identity of Christ. It is then that we can live in the fullness of Christ's power that He wishes us to live in--and that through relationship with Him. We need to stop expecting Him to walk with us on our chosen routes and begin to walk with Him on His chosen routes.

But there's too many places this can expand to. So I'll just wrap it up by reinforcing the key of identity. I've always thought I have to strive to come to a place where I can honestly say Galatians 2:20: "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.". That's what's wrong with my perspective: I strive for when I can say that. I can say that now! That's been true since the day I believed in my heart and professed with my mouth! Let's try to get a grasp on that!

You with me on that?

Seeking Righteousness

God is so good! Let me just start this off by saying that! He's so faithful.

Jesus tells us, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

And later: "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

He also says, "For everyone who asks recieves, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."

Today in Church, during the worship service, we were challenged to write a letter as though the Lord were speaking it to us. We were challenged with questions like what would He say?Well, the Lord has spoken to me before and I've sometimes begun writing down what He says, so I asked Him to speak directly to me, and I truly believe He did!

Now, before I go on, you may be wondering how a person knows the Lord's voice. Well, it's kind of like hearing my dad's voice. I know it immediately when I hear it, but how do you really describe a voice? You simply know who it belongs to! So it is with the Lord.

Anyway, this is an excerpt of what He told me: "Remain strong in righteousness. Seek righteousness by seeking Me, and you will find righteousness because of My Holy Spirit who lives within you. The time in which you give in to your flesh's desires must come to an end! Seek Me above all else, and I will give you the strength to walk in My righteousness."

Righteousness, huh? Seek righteousness. Do we really know what this means? I've discussed similar topics in all my notes, so pardon for the redundancy! But we all need this encouragement! I already know by the Word what the Lord told me, but He still knew what to tell me because He knows what I need to hear. He needs to mature us.

But will we truly allow ourselves to be matured? It is truly my desire to be so wholly Christ's that I am trusted, in unity with the Body, with His authority! God wants to entrust us with His authority. He doesn't want to entrust us with our authority, regardless of how well we know Him. He wants to entrust us with His authority. (Don't believe me? See Matthew 16:19; John 14:12-14; John 16:23-24; Ephesians 1:19-20.) But to know exactly what His authority is, we have to know Him really well! In order to know Him really well, we have to pursue Him and righteousness!

Okay, but we run into fear or neglect. We don't want to go through everything it takes to pursue righteousness! We like to hold on to our bad attitudes! We like to hold on to our "right" to complain. We don't want to go through that really, really tough effort of getting rid of that lust we have for so and so. Guys (specifically referring to other males), we don't want to stop looking at girls with sexually oriented thoughts (it works the other way for girls, too, I'm told). We think, how can we? How can we possibly have a pure mind? That's just part of our nature, we say!

But doesn't God say: "Be holy, as I am holy"...? Doesn't He say:

"Fix your thoughts on what is:
- true
- honorable
- right
- pure
- lovely
- admirable
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."
Philippians 4:8...?

So where's our excuse? Do we truly love the Lord? If we do, we will seek righteousness!

I don't know about you, but the Lord's plans for my life are the most excited thing imaginable that I can do with my life! I honestly couldn't find satisfaction in absolutely anything else. Am I bragging? No! I'm praising God because He's faithful to fulfill righteousness in my life!

And yet I have SO far to go! But I want to! You know, I don't get discouraged as much when I fall into temptations as when I fall into apathy (let me clarify this term: apathy meaninganything less than a passionate resolve to seek to know Christ more and more each day). I am being totally honest. When I succumb to temptations (to which the Lord has told me to STOP), I quickly come back to the Lord and know His forgiveness! When I fall into apathy, it'shard to come back to the Lord! Therefore, I want to stay as far from apathy as possible. In fact, it's when I am living in apathy that I struggle--it's like there's a spiritual force against me--more with temptations. You see, the devil has a much greater foothold when I am not living in close communion (relationship) with the Holy Spirit.

But doesn't that make sense? I mean, who is it who have the hardest time coming to the Lord? The great sinner (the prostitute, the tax collector, the median) or the 'righteous' Pharisee?

What I mentioned a minute ago is so true, though! God is faithful to bring righteous in my life! This is because we have the Holy Spirit. I am constantly discussing going deeper and deeper into our knowledge and relationship of the Lord in my notes. Well, I'm saying it again! (Probably for my own sake more than any readers.)

Do we really want to live in the fullness of the lives God has for us? Then we can't stop where we are. We can't even choose to "clean up our act" in areas of life that we feel need the most cleansing. We need an all-pervasive cleansing. It's a hard process that includes self-determination (1 Peter 1:13), passionate/sacrificial resolve (Luke 9:23-24; Hebrews 12:1), deep love for the Lord (Mark 12:30), obedience (John 14:21), the prompting and work of the Holy Spirit (this is key; John 14:26), and (ugh) discipline (Hebrews 12:6).

I have a warning that may almost seem contradictory to what I've already said, but it's truly not. This i's a very important concept to grasp. Look at this verse:

"We do this [run the race faithfully] by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith."
Hebrews 12:2

We are running this 'race' along the 'Path of Life,' and the only way to stay on and not get stuck in the ditch is to keep our eyes on Christ. Even when we try to look ahead at where we are going in this life, or when we look down to make sure our footing is sure, we fall. This seems to defy logic...? Not really. We're blind when we're not looking at Christ. We're spiritually blind when our focus is not growing in our relationship with Him.

How else are we to know how to make a decision if we do not know His voice? How do we know His voice if we don't take the time to get to know Him? (See John 10:1-16.) How can we avoid those sickening thoughts of lust and fleshly desires if we don't know Him? We can't. Not really. We can try. We can try not to become depressed with our situations. We can try to avoid the stress and anxiety of the unknown. It won't work. But this is where my caution lies: we can get too caught up in 'pursuing righteousness' that we take our eyes off of the 'Righteous One.' Does that make sense? That's what the Pharisees did. They wanted to be so 'righteous' that it blinded them to He who's very throne is Righteousness and Justice (Psalm 94:14).

So we HAVE to keep our focus on Christ. In our school, in our relationships, in our leisure, in our joy, in our boredom, in our praise of things in life. This is how we pursue righteousness. Oh how I desire to be holy as He is holy! Let's not be intimidated by the process! Do we truly love Him? Then let us pursue Him with all our hearts, souls and minds, for He loves us!